It's one of those rainy November days when the dampness gets into your bones anyway, and I think I slept wrong; the arthritis in my right shoulder is hurting pretty badly no matter what. I've taken some Aleve, but sure wish I had one of those Therapatches with me. Plus I only slept about four hours last night, so I feel like a ambulatory fuzz machine. I can't wait until lunchtime when I can nap.

While I was fighting the usual clutter battle on my computer desk yesterday, I found The Griever's Bill of Rights For The Holidays that the hospice people sent me. I'm already feeling a bit down about the holidays, but I knew that was going to happen. Compared to last year at this time, my emotions are running pretty low, but it was natural to happen. It's the listlessness that bothers me more than the grief. My attitude right now is "I just don't care." And yet this is my favorite time of year and I would like to have a little fun after the annual misery of summer and the added grief on top of it.

I wonder, too, why things like "The Griever's Bill of Rights For The Holidays" has to exist at all. It's a person's right to celebrate—or not celebrate—the holidays, just as they want. I love Christmas, but there's such a hysteria about it that it drives me nuts: perfect decorations, perfect (and expensive) presents, perfect food. What happened to just getting together, giving a token of affection, having a good time and eating plain old cookies or a family dinner? That's why I loathed Grisham's Skipping Christmas so much; the Kranks were expected to conform to some nonsensical Christmas hysteria and instead of doing what they wanted to do, ended up doing what they were expected to do. It's enough to make you sick.

Maybe I'm feeling sober because I dubbed off the majority of The Century yesterday: from World War II through Jimmy Carter's presidency: the Holocaust, blacklisting, assassination, Vietnam, race riots, and Watergate paraded in all their "glory." We lived in much too "interesting times" and it was depressing watching it all over again.

On a semi-hopeful note, I started a larger cross-stitch project last night, my first for a long time. It's a Thanksgiving sampler: a big garland of autumn leaves and fruits on the top and right, lettering left and bottom, with "We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing" in the middle of it.

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. . . . . noted and logged by Linda at 10:50:00 AM

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