No, Linda. You are not mean. You realize that there are worse things than death and don't wish them to happen to someone you love. It means you care enough that you don't wish for your Mother to have to suffer like this. The best you can do is be there for her and help be her advocate with the hospice workers to help relieve as much pain as possible for her. I'm sorry to say I probably have a good idea exactly how you are feeling now and it's perfectly a sane and unselfish point of view. At the time, I didn't have anyone to tell me that and I felt pretty lonely and confused. But, like you, I knew honestly that I only wanted the best for the person I was caring for and that is not selfish at all. I don't usually read blogs, but wanted to see how you were doing. Know that I am here if you need to talk about any of this and that you are in my prayers.
 

Linda - what Juanita said.

You're not mean, you're going through a perfectly normal process. That it's normal doesn't mean it's pleasant, that it's normal doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell. You get angry, you get frustrated, you feel guilty BECAUSE you're angry and frustrated, then you get mad because you feel guilty and you don't LIKE having to be the adult...

It's okay. We understand.

And please understand something else... you're doing a brave and wonderful thing. As miserable and unhappy as you may feel, you're doing the best thing you can possibly do for her right now, and that's be there for her and doing what you can. You're making it easier for her. You're making a difference. You're doing good.

You're in our prayers too.

Jerry, Sue and Aaron...