It was another case of good day, bad day yesterday.

When Mom got dressed in the afternoon, I said, "Let's go to Borders." This wasn't just because of the books, but because I know there are chairs there where she could sit down. We planned to go have ice cream afterwards.

Mom sat in the cafe looking at some books on New Mexico someone had left on the table, and when I came back with my purchases, she said, "Let's go have ice cream at the mall instead." My philosophy now is, if she wants to go, she goes, so instead of having the ice cream at Garden City, we drove to Warwick Mall. It was warm, so we stopped for Del's frozen lemonade and some popcorn and parked under a nearby tree until we were done.

Then we went to the mall. Mom insisted on walking it end to end (Warwick Mall isn't that long) and I stopped in Waldenbooks and we went into CVS (gawd, I haven't seen a drugstore in a mall in a dog's age). We got ice cream before we left and had a nice ride home, watched some television, and then my godmother came over from next door to talk with Mom for a while.

Near the end of the conversation she started complaining about the eye hurting and both my godmother and I tried to talk her into the pain pill, even half of one. After Padina left, I made some soup and egg noodles with shredded chicken breast in it. Mother ate it but was whimpering in pain during the entire procedure. I made a cold compress for her eyes and that seemed to help during the evening, but after Leno was over she started crying again. I finally talked her into half a Percoset with some toast and she settled down to sleep, murmuring until she fell asleep. I tried to stay in the chair near her but couldn't fall asleep there and settled for going into the bedroom and leaving the door open.

The hospice nurse has just been here and has called for a new pain patch prescription, talked to our family doctor, and asked Mother's oncologist if they can't at least prescribe something for the outside itch of the eye. I have put another cold compress on it and she says that helps.

I wish I could open the front door; she says she feels cold but I'm so smothered...

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. . . . . noted and logged by Linda at 12:15:00 PM

Comments:

Linda -

You're feeling a great weight, of emotion and anger and frustration and pain and guilt. That's understandable, and that's why you feel smothered. You can do this - you can cope, and by doing so you help her cope. You're doing wonderfully, from what I see here.

Hugs to you,

Jerry, Sue, and Aaron...

# posted by  Jerry : 11:32:00 PM

 

Dear Linda, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother.

-- Robert

# posted by  Anonymous : 1:13:00 AM

 

Thanks, Jerry, Sue, Aaron, and Robert. But part of the smothered comes from the hot flashes...

# posted by  Linda : 8:28:00 PM

 

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